Don't even know what to feel about the upcoming new year. The last time I had to face a new year I was, just like I do now, having problems in life that were bothering me. And because I was running out of time (we all were, weren't we) before the big new year's eve, I dumped all cliches of fixing the problems, making things right, having a clean slate and being ready to start all over again; and instead I drank my feelings at an overpopulated club counting down with the crowd to a "new beginning" that I honestly wasn't looking forward too much to.
As bad as my then problems sound like to me and to you now, I cannot believe that I can't remember what they were..! It should've been something pretty awful judging by the loss of my memory towards the end of that night, and the hangover while friends were detailing my own stories to me as I tried to withhold barf. So I seemed like I had a ton to drink for, but those problems are no longer problems, as far as I can remember. Hopefully that says something about my problems now in a year's time...
For 2013, I'm writing down no resolutions. Realised they are just stupid expectations that will make you wish you didn't set yourself up just to disappoint.
But I do have one wish - that 2013 is gonna be good to me. I had a good half year and the other half year wasn't as dandy. I quit my job, turned down a sweet offer; sometimes I wonder why I did but I did anyway. I just ventured into something with nickels that I have left, I am so fresh (another word for freaking inexperienced) in it oftentimes I feel like all I can do is ogle at other people's success. I know there will be many more struggles to come, be it for this new tiny undertaking or even for beginning to find another job that is suitable. I guess, as long as I can learn something along the way, the effort will be worthwhile.
If you've made it up to here, (as much as I'm baffled why anybody would be interested in my stoopid life stories) I want to thank you for reading :). I've never been comfortable to show weaknesses or vulnerability to anybody, let alone in public. Ever more so after I read this something on Twitter, "Your problems could be another's pleasure, so stop tweeting all your problems!" I hated how dreadfully selfish that idea of somebody taking pleasure out of another person's troubles sounded like - but somehow I obviously thought it was a sound advice to encourage my tendency to be impersonal on my social media. I forgot how it could lead to other social problems, maybe not my problems, but somebody else's problems.
Let me put it this way. Have you ever had any friends on your Facebook or Twitter whose life, as suggested by their posts and pictures, just always seem perfect. All that ever happen to them are god-lucky stuff, luxurious meals and just never any real problems. I know we all would prefer to let people see us happy and smiling, but when overdone it just might make younger or maybe, more naive people get the wrong idea that shit only happens to them and not the rest of the world. I know I would if I didn't personally know a few friends who really do lead a life in the fast lane but at the same time have real problems to deal with too. And I know how my bf's extended family members thought his family must be making major and easy money just because his family could afford to send their children to a university in KL; when the fact was that we all depended on PTPTN a lot.
So if you're in my social circle and you've posted contents both glam and bland (foie gras and ikan bilis porridge, Ferrari and kancil, Chanel and Vincci; you get the idea haha), I wanna thank you for not making me feel all shitty about my very much imperfect life.
Enough ramblings. For one day before the new year settles in, I'm gonna allow myself to be carefree. And maybe you should too, be a worry wart another day. When I'm drinking and yelling "Happy New Year" tonight, I'm gonna make sure I get drunk for the right reasons this time <3
Happy New Year, xoxo